me: accidentally hits my lock screen button while watching youtube
youtube: you wanna get youtube red?? you fucking dumbass?? you really think you can play videos in the background without youtube red?? you fucking useless bastard.
My plan to create a perfectly flat and level Kansas by moving 5,501 cubic miles of earth from west to east. It’s the ideal Kansas. Still some details to work out about rivers, roads, etc. Watch out for the 900-foot cliff bisecting Kansas City.
this is honestly the best post on the entire fucking internet
This is incredible because it is super difficult to visualise how much 6 feet actually is and most people don’t bother to try
HOLY SHIT ok first of all that is a brilliant use of technology, and second, that activated my flight response bigtime and i bet it convinced people to evacuate that weren’t gonna, which would’ve saved lives. so good job folks, worth the effort.
Why can’t she share that protective shield spell that she clearly casted on herself at least?
So, fun fact for all of you history dorks, but you know that legend about Cleopatra being so rich and trashy that she would drink her wine with crushed up pearls in it?
Pearls are mostly Calcium Carbonate. When they mix with acids (such as those in wine) they produce carbon dioxide like little balls of fancy alkaseltzer.
What Im saying is, call Cleopatra a trashy hoe all you want, but she was the trashy hoe who invented instant champagne. Bitch was living in 3018 while everyone else was in 18
My type of woman. Life is better when it’s sparkling
Today I called a girl homophobic as a joke and she almost started crying
She said “my neighbors are a lesbian couple! I’m the least homophobic person you’ll ever meet”
I said “Kelsea I’m really sorry I hurt your feelings but I need you to know that homophobic people can have lesbian neighbors” and she just got even more distraught and said “I’ve been inside their house and I wasn’t even afraid or anything”
